dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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