he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
