why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Randomize
