So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
