real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
