BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Can I color on your dick again?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Randomize
