Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
