8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
barbara walters just said penis...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize