just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
