is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
