I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
