How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Sorry about my life...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
