Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
