If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
