Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
oh god the rape fog is back!
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
