soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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