yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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