Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
