Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It was like giving head to a cactus.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
