i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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