It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
