dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
