Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize