moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize