listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
