I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
