I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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