It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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