does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
