Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize