am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
