i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
