i may or may not be watching the land before time
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
