How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
