Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
