He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize