No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
