it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
