So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
