There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
