I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
