I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
