She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
