I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
