you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
my being single is dangerous.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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