it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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