i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize