similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
