Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
