meet me or not, i'm out of control
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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