You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize