I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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