bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
