Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
