Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
