Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Who died my cat blue again?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
