Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
