I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
