his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
