I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
