Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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