By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize