if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
