So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I need to calm my uterus...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
