Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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