I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
