If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
