I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
