My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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