wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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