You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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