Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
