I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
