just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
