12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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