Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize