RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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