none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
