I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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