i don't like sucking hair
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
