he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
