Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
