do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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