The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
