So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
don't judge my taste in strippers
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
