and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
