R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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