Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm sobbing to NWA
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
