i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
