ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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