As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
