Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I came so hard my ears popped.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
