hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
