I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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