i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
