If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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