So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
