I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
