I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
