You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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