they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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