So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
