Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Is Oprah even human
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
