Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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