my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
