We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
