According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
