just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
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